Stupid
"..You'd believe this if you were stupid.."
One of my biggest insecurity is being called stupid. Or acting as such.
So I try my best to blend in and do the neutrally right thing. So phenomenally boring.
I think a little back story will help put this into context.
So I'm on my second last day of work at "Shitty Company". And today's the first time I had a conversation with the one person I felt most intimated by here.
You know that person.
The most efficient badass who can show managers how to do a thing or two. The know-it-all who rarely messes up and does know it all. The one with zero fucks given about small talk and general B.S. The one who's earned his arrogance, and despite how awed you are by his work (or how awful you think his sense of humour is), you can only feign indifference due to a lack of a better response than, "Show me your ways, mastah!"
Yea. That mofo.
Then you realize that the only reason he's really talking to you because he intends to leave "Shitty Company" too, and he's asking how you did it, where'd you apply and such. For a minute I'm just freaking out thinking, "Why is he even talking to me? I thought I was the loser newbie he'd rather avoid."
And that's how a most enlightening conversation begins. The backstory about "Shitty" and how it got to be so, from the one person you were too intimidated by to approach. The one who's opinion you knew you could trust.
You see, trust is a commodity I'm not close-fisted about at all. So I know being stupid is part of my nature. I believed what Shitty's various reps said about giving a shit about me. About how my career growth mattered. I barred myself to them - hopes, expectations, insights, ideas to make things work - all on the premise that I was talking to good people who gave a shit.
I had a gut feeling that they weren't though. That their intentions weren't honest and true.
But screw intuition right?
So I proceed to think of them as "human" (I put myself and everyone else whom I'm unsure what to label.).
Not 15 minutes into a conversation with him did I realize how easily I'd begun to fool myself. How could I think of people who talked behind the backs of their own employees to a newbie barely a few months into the company as genuine? I started rationalizing their "views" on other people as just the next person expressing their frustration, and me being the patient and attentive listener.
Yea. I'd successfully blind-folded myself to that extent.
But another day done, another catastrophe avoided. The conversation ended so.
"..You'd believe this if you were stupid - but you're clearly not."
If only he knew.
One of my biggest insecurity is being called stupid. Or acting as such.
So I try my best to blend in and do the neutrally right thing. So phenomenally boring.
I think a little back story will help put this into context.
So I'm on my second last day of work at "Shitty Company". And today's the first time I had a conversation with the one person I felt most intimated by here.
You know that person.
The most efficient badass who can show managers how to do a thing or two. The know-it-all who rarely messes up and does know it all. The one with zero fucks given about small talk and general B.S. The one who's earned his arrogance, and despite how awed you are by his work (or how awful you think his sense of humour is), you can only feign indifference due to a lack of a better response than, "Show me your ways, mastah!"
Yea. That mofo.
Then you realize that the only reason he's really talking to you because he intends to leave "Shitty Company" too, and he's asking how you did it, where'd you apply and such. For a minute I'm just freaking out thinking, "Why is he even talking to me? I thought I was the loser newbie he'd rather avoid."
And that's how a most enlightening conversation begins. The backstory about "Shitty" and how it got to be so, from the one person you were too intimidated by to approach. The one who's opinion you knew you could trust.
You see, trust is a commodity I'm not close-fisted about at all. So I know being stupid is part of my nature. I believed what Shitty's various reps said about giving a shit about me. About how my career growth mattered. I barred myself to them - hopes, expectations, insights, ideas to make things work - all on the premise that I was talking to good people who gave a shit.
I had a gut feeling that they weren't though. That their intentions weren't honest and true.
But screw intuition right?
So I proceed to think of them as "human" (I put myself and everyone else whom I'm unsure what to label.).
Not 15 minutes into a conversation with him did I realize how easily I'd begun to fool myself. How could I think of people who talked behind the backs of their own employees to a newbie barely a few months into the company as genuine? I started rationalizing their "views" on other people as just the next person expressing their frustration, and me being the patient and attentive listener.
Yea. I'd successfully blind-folded myself to that extent.
But another day done, another catastrophe avoided. The conversation ended so.
"..You'd believe this if you were stupid - but you're clearly not."
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